All You Need Is Love

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So, to continue my exploration of love, I’ll move on to movies. I was not nearly as appalled by the lists I found for movies as I was for books. Most of the couples/stories were not nearly as dysfunctional or problematic as the ones so highly prized in literature. Since there was not sufficient material for me to rant about, I’ve decided to just make a list of some of my favorite romantic movies and why.

Love Actually (2003)- This is just an awesome movie. Not only does it have like 80% of my favorite British actors and actresses in it, but it also shows great examples of a lot of different kinds of love. There’s unrequited love, young love, surviving life after love, love that transcends language, unconditional parental love, and love that throws off social expectation. One of my favorite story lines is the story of Liam Neeson’s character, Daniel, and his stepson, Sam. Sam’s mother just died prior to the story starting, so Daniel is trying to figure out how to raise his stepson without his wife. The development of the father-son dynamic is just adorable, especially as Daniel helps Sam navigate the perils of his first crush. My other favorite story line is the story of Colin Firth’s character, Jamie, falling in love with his beautiful Portuguese housekeeper, Aurelia, who doesn’t speak a word of English. Despite the language barrier, these two oddly matched people fall in love. The basic message of this movie that love comes in many forms, but everybody needs it in their lives.

Forrest Gump (1994)- (This one’s for you, Dad) Forrest Gump once said, “I'm not a smart man... but I know what love is.” And he did. He remained devoted to the same woman since the day he met her on the bus on the way to his first day of school. Forrest’s love for Jenny is the epitome of unconditional love. No matter how horribly she treats him, he still trusts her and his love never wavers. That love for her lasts even after she’s died from cancer, as he continues to tell her everything about his life with their son. Forrest Gump has the innocence to be able to give love to everyone who touches his life. He loves his mama. He loves his best friend, Bubba. He loves Lt. Dan. He probably even loves all of the people he tells his life’s story to. But the best love (in my humble opinion) is between him and his son, Little Forrest, because Little Forrest is the only one pure enough to accept his love without reservation.

When Harry Met Sally (1989) – “And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night.” That quote pretty much sums up the relationship between Harry Burns and Sally Albright. First they hated each other, then after not seeing each other for several years, they met and became friends. And eventually, they were so close that they didn’t know what to do without each other. I think the dynamic in this movie is fascinating. On paper, they don’t make sense. He’s this cynical, pessimistic realist and she’s the compulsive, optimistic perfectionist, but somehow, because they’ve become such good friends, it just makes sense for them to fall in love. She makes him think and he makes her have fun. What could be a better recipe for a happy relationship?

Beauty and the Beast (1991) – Sorry to disillusion you, Mom, but growing up this was probably my favorite Disney movie. I love the fact that the bookworm gets a happy ending. And, once again, unexpected love grows out of friendship. The feminist in me likes that the Beast must learn respect and consideration before he can win Belle’s heart. The romantic in me likes that in the end, she breaks the spell and they live happily every after. It is a children’s movie, but I think it is also a great example of love seeing past the physical and being about what’s inside of the person.

Sabrina (1954 and 1995) – aka The Ugly Duckling falls in love. Only it’s not who you expect. On paper, David Larrabee, is the perfect Prince Charming. He knows all of the right moves, he knows how to look at a girl just right, and he’s got heaps of money. Can I just say, BORING? His older brother, Linus, on the other hand, is much more complex and interesting. On the surface, he’s a cold-hearted bastard who only cares about making his business bigger and better. But, as is usual in these cases, he’s got a bit more to him than meets the eye. It takes a while, but eventually, both he and Sabrina see that they would be happier in their odd, more complex relationship, than they would be if she married his dopey younger brother and he kept himself locked up in suits and ties.

The Quiet Man (1952) – This movie, which could only be described as a masculine chick flick, is an odd example of love, but it works. The conflicts between old, Irish traditions about love and marriage clash with new, American views about love and marriage and a whole heap of fun ensues. At some points, it’s hard to tell if Mary Kate (Maureen O’Hara) actually loves Sean (John Wayne), but in the end, she does. Theirs is a stubborn love, but its true and that becomes evident when, even after being dragged through town and field, Mark Kate still kisses her husband and goes home to make him dinner. Sexist, but still, a great ending to a really, really funny scene.

The Princess Bride (1987) - “And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva...” Sorry, had to be done. Despite the fact that Buttercup is a complete moron, I love this movie. It is wonderfully silly and highly entertaining, plus it does tell the story of a love that (in theory) is quite epic. Westley goes through such an insane ordeal, all so he can keep his word and return to the woman he loves (although I don’t know why). Along with this typical love story, there’s also the great relationship between Fezzick and Inigo and the love that the grandfather feels for his grandson.

Pretty Woman (1990) - This is one of the first full-fledged chick-flicks I remember seeing. Somehow, outrageous hooker Vivian works her way past detached, reserved Edward’s defenses and her own and they fall in love. It’s a fairly standard Pygmalion-esque story, but I still love it. Especially the fire escape scene at the end. Classic!

The Holiday (2006) – I didn’t expect to like this movie, but I love it. It is one of the only Jack Black movies I can actually tolerate. But more than that, it presents two really sweet romances. Jack Black’s character Miles shows Iris, played charmingly by Kate Winslet, how to break out of her shell and become a strong, independent woman, with the help of old-school screenwriter, Arthur. On the other side of the world, the too-independent Amanda falls in love with Graham and his daughters, despite herself. She has to learn to trust and to listen to her feelings. On top of that, the interaction between Jude Law’s character Graham and his daughters is precious!

The Phantom of the Opera (2004) – Ok, all in all, kind of a tragic story. But, at the same time there’s a very sweet element to Erik’s love for Christine. I mean, I totally get why she chooses Raoul over Erik, but at the same time, I can also see just how much love Erik has for Christine. He craves affection and wants so badly to spend forever with Christine, but it’s an impossible love. He is too corrupt and too removed from society to be able to temper his feelings and carry on any sort of real relationship, and in the end, he realizes this. But, he continues to love her until long after she’s gone.

What romantic movies would make your list and why?

"For you alone I think and plan"

When researching for this blog, the lists I found when searching for “great love stories in literature” appalled me. 85% of the lists were filled with couples whom I would say were decidedly in lust or infatuated with each other. When I think of true love, I think of the C.S. Lewis quote, “Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.” Most of the couples our society appears to consider part of the greatest love stories in history most definitely do NOT fit into this definition.

In response to this, I’ve devised two lists. The first will be comprised of the couples that society thinks of as part of the great love stories. The second will be comprised of the forgotten souls that are actually part of the great love stories.

Society’s List and why I think they leave something to be desired:

1. Romeo and Juliet from Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare- sigh! The couple that everyone immediately thinks of when you say “love story.” Even as an 8^th grader, reading this for the first time, I knew that they were most definitely not in love. Romeo starts off the play in love with Rosalind, pining over her. Then less than 12 hours later, he claims to be in love with Juliet. He only really seems to care about himself. The same goes for Juliet. She knows the guy for less than a day and agrees to marry him. That’s not love. That’s infatuation. What’s more its juvenile infatuation. Then they go and completely ruin their lives for each other. Literally. The one improvement West Side Story made on this tale was that Maria at least had the guts to keep going after Tony got killed. Got killed, not committed suicide like Romeo the Idiot. Juliet then proves an even bigger idiot than Romeo by killing herself. What’s the point? Romeo is just horny, narcissistic, and fickle. Juliet is whiney, willful, and wimpy. The End. 

2. Catherine and Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte- I’m sorry, but anyone who thinks Wuthering Heights is a love story has either never really read the book or been smoking something. If anything, it is the opposite of a love story. It’s a hate story. Heathcliff is a manipulative, abusive, cruel bastard who makes everyone around him miserable. There are literally no redemptive qualities in him. He spends the entire story scheming to get what he wants and abusing the people he’s supposed to care for. And Catherine. Good grief. She’s a whiney, willful (hmm…sensing a pattern here), and self-centered brat. She goes around throwing fits when she doesn’t get what she wants and playing people against each other to get what she thinks is the best deal for herself. I’m sorry, but that is most definitely NOT a love story.

3. Rhett Butler and Scarlett O’Hara from Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell- Rhett and Scarlett have a very similar relationship to Cathy and Heathcliff, except they at least have some good qualities. Rhett appears to at least care for Scarlett in some way and tries to do what he feels is best for her, even if he’s too selfish to succeed at times. And Scarlett is too wrapped up in thinking that she loves Ashley to really love any of her husbands, but Rhett especially. Really, Scarlett is too wrapped up in Scarlett. She is one of the most self-indulgent creatures I’ve ever come across. And in the end, she pays the price.

4. Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte- I don’t have as much a problem with these two as I do with the others. To a certain extent, it’s at least obvious that they have some sort of affection for each other. But you add in his secret, mad wife being kept in the attic and her weirdly controlling cousin and you get a few flaws in the make up. And then there’s the whole bit about him having to lose his sight and the use of his arm in a fire in order for him to be “redeemed” enough for them to be together. I’m sorry, but all in all, they’re just a bit too dysfunctional to be considered a “great couple.” 

5. Jay Gatsby and Daisy Buchanan from The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald- Gatsby and Daisy really are carbon copies of Cathy and Heathcliff, but I felt they still needed to be brought up. Like Rhett, Gatsby at least seems to care for Daisy somewhere deep down inside. He just doesn’t know how to go about it. But it is really difficult to see why he likes her. She’s bratty, self-absorbed, and manipulative. She plays with people for amusement and only wants what she wants. She doesn’t care about Gatsby at all.

Now for My List. The real love stories.

1. Captain Wentworth and Anne Elliot from Persuasion by Jane Austen- Now this is how a love story is supposed to go (and I’m not just saying that because I’m basing my own novel off of it). They’re separated by circumstances eight years before the start of the novel. She’s persuaded to reject him because he’s not what her family wants for her. Then he comes back and over time they realize they’re both still in love with each other. But it’s not an instant “I love you”, “I love you, too” type thing. It’s gradual. First he trusts her and depends on her. Then she turns to him over someone else. And eventually, they admit they’re feelings in a mature, thought out manner and accept whatever fate brings them. 

2. Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth from Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen- Ok, so I’m a bit of a Jane Austen addict. But the woman knew how to tell a good love story. Again, it’s not an instant love thing. The affection grows gradually over time. She realizes that he’s not such a bad guy. He helps her family. She accepts his proposal. It’s the little gestures, rather than the big ones that make a difference in this story. They reveal that Darcy is a kind, compassionate man underneath his frosty exterior. And they show that Elizabeth does have a softer side that she hides underneath her wit and brains. In the end, they reach a natural climax to their story and get married because they love each other.

3. Beatrice and Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare- These two are an odd couple and I wasn’t sure if I should include them on the list, but they’re two of my favorites. They fight back and forth for the entire play, but somehow end up in love anyways. I think that’s probably what made me put them on this list. There’s such passion in their relationship. You can just imagine them still bickering when they’re 82, but the bickering won’t matter because they truly care what happens to each other. He’s willing to fight and possibly kill his best friend for her, for heaven’s sake. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

4. Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe from The Anne of Green Gables Series by L.M. Montgomery- I know most people wouldn’t even think to include Anne and Gilbert on a list like this, but I’ve loved their relationship since I was a little girl. They were friends first, then slowly they fell in love because of their friendship. They depended on each other as they grew up and that constancy led to a marriage that lasted more than 50 years. Sure, they bickered and picked at each other, but in the end, they were always there for each other.

5. Margaret Hale and John Thornton from North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell- Again, not a couple you would normally find on a list like this, but I can’t help it. They’re one of my favorites. The whole novel is full of little indications of how they feel for each other, but they’re both too stubborn to come out and admit it until the very end, when they’ve both grown enough to be able to fully appreciate they’re feelings for each other.

 To me, these last five couples are what love has the potential to be if we care more about the other person than we do ourselves. The jaded part of me thinks that society elevates the other couples because they're selfish and self-indulgent and don't try to really love. 

So, readers, what do you think of my lists? Who would you have put on your list? 

Accidentally In Love

February, as most of the Western/English speaking world knows, is the month in which Valentine's Day occurs. Ah, Valentine's Day- or Singles' Awareness Day as I like to call it- a day for lovers to express their true feelings for each other (usually through over-priced, commercialized items, but that's a subject for an entirely different blog).

In honor of this auspicious holiday, I'm looking at how love is expressed in our society. First, I'm going to look at one of the most ancient expressions of love- music. (I'll go into books and movies and poetry in later blogs)

Music is generally used when words alone aren't enough. I, personally, am a big fan of romantic, lovey-dovey music. I have fantasies of Josh Groban or Michael Buble showing up at my door and serenading me before asking me to run away with them. I adore the old Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole songs that used to fill the air at my great-grandmother's house.

But love songs are changing. I looked up several different "Top 100" lists of love songs and the songs in the top 10 ranged from "Hey There Delilah" by the Plain White T's to "Your Song" by Elton John. I was quite surprised that old standards like "The Way You Look Tonight" and "Unforgettable" weren't even close to the top. In defense of the oldies but goodies, I somehow doubt that my great-grandchildren will ever listen to "Hey There Delilah."

But I digress. Love is the most common theme in modern music. Lost love, searching for love, celebrating love. Sometimes words by themselves just aren't enough to express an emotion as powerful and timeless as love. So what songs do you think of when you want to express love?

Here's my top 10 and why: (in no particular order)
1. "Love Song For No One" by John Mayer- I always feel drawn to songs like this. It's like the artist is sending their love out into the void, just hoping that someone will send it back to them.

2. "So She Dances" by Josh Groban- One word comes to mind when I hear this song- adoration. The sensual inevitability of the love in this song never fails to wrap me up like a warm hug. I also loves how it weaves this love story just like a dance, flowing over and under and around.

3. "As Time Goes By"by Jimmy Durante- I love this song because it cuts through the surface elements of love like a kiss or a smile and gets down to the most important part- being happy and making that one special person happy. I think a lot of that is lost today, which is really quite sad.

4. "Everything" by Michael Buble- This is how I think true love should be- the person you love should embody every good thing in life. And on top of that, there's such awe expressed in the chorus. This type of love never becomes a habit- it is always a blessing and, more importantly, a blessing that will endure.

5. "Come What May" by Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman- True love should survive everything (even horrible things like tuberculosis and licentious rich dudes and death). Love should last forever- Amen.

6. "The Way You Look Tonight" by Frank Sinatra- I don't exactly know why, but I've always found this song incredibly romantic. This love could exist for the length of one dance or it could last for eternity and whichever way it goes, the memory of that night will endure.

7. "Can't Help Falling In Love" by Elvis Presley- Sometimes, falling in love is just inevitable. Logic and life have no say in it. Some things just can't- or shouldn't- be stopped. And no outside for can change that. It is simply a part of the natural order.

8. "If I Loved You" by Gordon MacRae and Shirley Jones- I've always loved this song because it is a denial of love even as it describes a very substantial form of love. And at the same time, it addresses the very real fear that we'll miss out on love. If there really are soul mates, then if we wait to long, we could lose out on our chance at happiness forever.

9. "Something There" from Beauty and the Beast- Love between friends is usually gradual in developing, but in my opinion, the most enduring love there is. Love involves a level of trust that I think demands friendship and this song expresses that magical moment where it becomes obvious that the affection of friendship has grown into true love.

10. "Accidentally in Love" by Counting Crows- Hmm...love can just sneak up on you when you least expect it. Go figure!

What songs would be on your top 10 love song list and why?