Sunday, February 27, 2011

It's Raining Men: Part 2



Today, we (Susan and I) discuss the bitches who have viable options, but True Love biases them towards one over the other.

Italics= Susan

Bella:
I know, I know. The Twilight Saga has gotten a rather bad…okay, completely atrocious rap, but don’t try and lie by saying that you haven’t either read the books or seen at least one of the movies. Bella, with all of her anti-feminist characteristics and her lack of personality and basic agency (especially in the movies), is presented with two extremely good-looking options who are both desperately in love with her.
Don’t get me wrong, Edward can be an over-protective creeper with serious boundary issues and an over active martyr complex, but he is honest to goodness, quaffed head over sparkly heels in love with Bella. Plus, the guy is LOADED with cash, has a very accepting family, and is a vampire without the icky mythological, soulless issues that Buffy’s fanged friends seemed to have. What’s to hate? I’d be upset if he left me too…if I was seventeen, wasn’t super comfortable with myself, and wasn’t as well-versed in feminist theory as I am.
Now for the werewolf of every preteen girl’s dreams, we’ve reached New Moon’s star, Jacob Black. Exotic, kind, good with cars, not dead, and conveniently present and muscular, Jacob is pretty much the perfect rebound for the absent vampire Romeo. Sadly, we audience members and Bella got used to the easy confidence that a hundred years lends a guy, as well as the eternity of possibilities the Edward presented. Ultimately, the fact that Jacob imprints on Bella and Edward’s oddly named child leads one to believe that wolfie was only attracted to Bella’s ovaries, which is slightly more worrying than Edward’s creeping. Sorry Jacob, Edward’s the guy for Bella…glitter is apparently better than fur, so it’s time to put the dog out.

Meredith Grey: The dark and twisty heroine of Grey’s Anatomy has Options (George, Finn, McSteamy, McDreamy), but despite brief distractions, only one of them is an Option that matters. As for Buffy and Angel, it was and is always going to be Meredith and Derek. First love in this case is the one that is true. Could Meredith have been reasonably happy with George or Finn? Maybe. Probably. But she wouldn’t be completed. Derek (along with being perfectly coiffed, adorably handsome, and a BRAIN SURGEON) gets that she was scary and damaged by her mother’s seriously messed up choices. And after a few obstacles, you know, your standard relationship hurdles: the ex-wife who’s not really ex, almost being blown up by a bomb, being dead for a whole episode, breaking up because you can’t breathe for the person, they get married on a post-it note. And even then, they’ve still got their fair share of problems. But together, they can overcome a hospital wide massacre, a miscarriage and fertility issues. Because True Love conquers all, right?

Dr. Temperance “Bones” Brennan: The good doctor, while a bit socially inept, attracts a lot of guys. Over the course of the show, she’s dated many attractive men, sometimes two at a time. But the one constant relationship in her life has been Special Agent Seeley Booth. For six seasons now, they’ve been playing the “will they or won’t they” game. Meanwhile, they’ve formed a “surrogate” relationship where Booth and Brennan know more about each other than they do about anyone else. Booth has sacrificed his life numerous times to save Bones and vice versa. Despite Booth’s “gamble” and 7 months separation, compounded by an extremely unlikable girlfriend (Hannah), double B seem to finally be on their way to realizing there’s only one Option: each other.

The Women of the “Who”-niverse: The writers of the new DOCTOR WHO series have made sure that the companions have options to turn to. The first (and in my opinion best) example of this is Rose Tyler. Rose served as companion to Doctors 9 and 10, falling in love with both incarnations. But she had options. If she wanted to, she could have gone back to earth and been relatively happy with the ordinary Mickey Smith. He was more than just a tin dog after all. She and Captain Jack could have at least had a pretty steamy affair. However, when the chips were on the table, it was always the extraordinary Doctor. She sacrificed everything for the Time Lord, even her own reality. And despite the semi-weirdness of the whole cloning factor, she eventually got her man.

Next up in order of favoritism is Gwen Parker of TORCHWOOD. Throughout the series, Gwen has an ongoing relationship with Rhys and eventually marries him. Poor schmuck is the only normal element in the girl’s life. In the Hub, she has to deal with a lot of scary-ass aliens, not to mention a co-worker (who she briefly dated) who is brought back from the dead and Captain Jack Harkness, former Time Agent and resident immortal. That’s right, dude can’t die. No matter how you try to kill him (gun, knife, hanging, concrete) he comes back to life (thanks to Rose Tyler). While Jack is openly omnisexual (meaning he’ll do just about anything that breathes), there is a blatant sexual tension that exists between Jack and Gwen from day one. Gwen is one of the few people who can stand up to Jack and call him on his bullshit and he challenges her like no one ever has. Unfortunately, as of the upcoming season, Gwen is still married to Rhys and they have a kid. But I trust in Russell Davies and fate J

Amy Pond gets a brief mention because she does technically have options. While obviously infatuated with the 11th Doctor (and if you’ve seen Matt Smith, you understand why), she also has the lovably bumbling Rory, a definite throwback to early Mickey. But unlike her predecessor, Amy chooses the normal guy. Instead of leaving him behind, she brings Rory along with her on her adventures with the Doctor and is practical enough to go ahead and marry the guy, knowing that a man like the Doctor can’t be tied down by just anyone.


Tomorrow: Options in the wonderfully scary world of High School

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